#SFFPIT Critiques

6/10/2014

As many of you know, Dan Koboldt is hosting #sffpit tomorrow, a twitter pitch party just for scifi and fantasy writers.

If you're planning to pitch your novel and want to get feedback, post your twitter pitch below and I'll respond with my thoughts.

Of course, if others would like to chime in with feedback, feel free!

And if you want to hear about my other critique giveaways, be sure to sign up for my newsletter.

Good luck everyone!

62 Comments

Dan Koboldt link

6/10/2014 01:09:53 am

I highly recommend that you #SFFpit participants take Caitlin up on this. She's critiqued my pitch before, too, and was enormously helpful!

Caitlin

6/10/2014 01:14:00 am

Thanks, Dan! I'm glad I could be helpful :)

Elise

6/10/2014 01:24:07 am

If you have time I would be flattered for any critique on my Twitter pitches. I prepared 12, but these 2 kind of catch the feeling for the rest:

1)
Vhalla thought romance and magic were difficult, keeping her friends alive is impossible. #FR #YA #SFFpit

2)
A girl like Vhalla shouldn't meet princes, or have lost powers. She just wants to read. The Empire wants her to be a weapon. #SFFpit #YA #FR

Also.... unrelated, your website keeps opening a "subscribe" box over your blog post once the page loads making it almost impossible to read. I know lots of sites make you subscribe to read the post so I did, but it's still doing this. I'm not sure if I'm doing something wrong (very possible) or if it's the site. But, as someone who has built websites I know it's nice to know something isn't working right (if that is the case).

Alisha link

6/10/2014 01:41:03 am

Hi Elise!
So I like parts of both of your pitches, but I'd like to see a version with more specifics. Powers, princes, empire, romance, and magic are all vague in my humble opinion. Maybe pick one thing to be super specific on since we're so limited on characters.

Also, your first pitch has some grammar issues. I would run it by some of your cps. In your second pitch, I'd drop the comma before or.

Hope some of this helps! Good luck to you!!!

Caitlin

6/10/2014 02:08:48 am

Hey,

Out of these two, I would definitely go with the second one. The first one is way too vague. What does it tell us? Whereas the second gets me wondering how she's a weapon and it gets me liking her, because I know a little about her. (Also, I love the name :) )

But I also agree with Alisha, that if you can fit in more specifics, that's even better. I know, twitter pitches are so hard! But with so little room, you have to really consider what a phrase like "A girl like" is adding. Every word should be doing something important.

And thanks for the note about the website! I used Mailchimp coding to add a popup, but you should be able to just ex it out (ie, you don't have to subscribe to see the site!) and it should only popup on your first visit.

What browser are you using? I'll look into this, and thanks for letting me know! :)

Caitlin

6/10/2014 02:09:08 am

Elise

6/10/2014 02:09:39 am

Thank you so much for your input!

Elise

6/10/2014 02:20:12 am

Caitlin,

Thanks for the help! Twitter pitches are a scary animal! (Very flattered you like the name, I love naming characters/places.) I'll try to add more specifics in there and really assess my words.

I'm using Google Chrome and there's no 'x' button. Through your hosting provider check if you have a CPanel, if you do you can check your AWstats and see the browser percentage accessing your site. I don't know if you have someone managing your site for you, but if you have any questions feel free to ask. I may be still trying to break into the professional world of publishing, but I know a bit of web coding. I'd be happy to return the help if I can where I can!

Caitlin

6/10/2014 02:31:38 am

Thanks, I'll definitely look into it. I can do minimal coding, but this might be over my head. :) Worse comes to worse i'll just remove the popup feature.

Traci

6/10/2014 02:56:33 am

Hi Elise,

While I'm no expert at Twitter pitching, I hope my comments can be helpful in some way.

1) I think the stakes here are great ("keeping her friends alive"), very compelling! But what's missing for me is the context. Why are they in danger in the first place? It seems like the part about "romance and magic" is about Vhalla's character--she has romantic troubles and can use magic? Maybe you could condense that section? If you did, you might be able to include something about the conflict that will sharpen the pitch a bit. (i.e. "keeping her friends from [enemy] is impossible")

2) This pitch seems to focus more on Vhalla's character ("shouldn't meet princes, or have lost powers. She just wants to read"). I think switching the focus to WHY she shouldn't meet princes or have lost powers might sharpen the pitch even more. Like, is she a peasant? A hermit? A miller's daughter? etc. I'm also curious about the connection between her character (princes, lost powers, reading) and being a weapon. Finally, even though you've already got a ton of detail in here, I'm wondering what the stakes are? What happens if she refuses to become a weapon? What terrible choice does she have to make?

I hope that's helpful! Good luck tomorrow!

Alisha link

6/10/2014 01:36:21 am

To save her father, 17yo Aini must lead the bad guys to Scotland's Coronation Stone and trust the one boy she shouldn't. #sffpit #YA #AH

Caitlin

6/10/2014 02:17:53 am

I really like romances where the heroine has to trust a guy she probably shouldn't... so this has me instantly intrigued :)

However, that phrase, "Trust the one boy she shouldn't," could be in a lot of pitches and you want yours to stand out. Is there any way to describe him. Maybe, she'll have to trust a boy who steals apples for a living?

Also, is there any way to flesh out "the bad guys."

And, finally, I have to admit, I don't know what #AH stands for....

But still, I'm intrigued, so good work :) (and good luck!)

(PS, did you have similar problems with the popup email box? what browser are you using? Thanks!)

Alisha link

6/10/2014 02:58:44 am

Thanks, Caitlin!

These pitches are especially difficult because the hashtags are long. I agree with your thoughts, but I don't want to spoil the story by giving too much away. So tough.

Here's another shot or three that I'd love your thoughts on.

1.The English king stole Aini’s father. She must help the zealots revolt or lead the king to Scotland’s Coronation Stone. #sffpit #YA #AH

2. Illegal ability. Crush on the king’s thug. Missing father. 17yo Balinese psychic Aini has some deadly decisions to make. #sffpit #YA #AH

3.To save her father, Aini must trust the son of his abductor and thwart a clan desperate for the Scotland's Coronation Stone. #sffpit #YA #AH

What do you think?
Also, Dan just added AH for alternate history. My story takes place in a 2014 different than our own due to a changed point in the past.

Traci

6/10/2014 03:03:32 am

Hi Alisha,

I really love the detail about Scotland's Coronation Stone--I feel like those three words already reveal a lot about the setting (Scotland, royalty, etc.), very economical!

In general I agree with Caitlin: "bad guys" and "the one boy she shouldn't" are places where I'd like to see more detail. Can you show the connection between the bad guys and saving her father? Or the bad guys and the one boy she shouldn't trust? Is there a detail about him that makes him inherently untrustworthy? Is there something the bad guys have done that shows just how bad they really are?

This is my first time trying out Twitter pitches, but I hope my comments can help in some way. Good luck tomorrow!

Caitlin

6/10/2014 03:54:26 am

I've been coming to realize that there must be some new hashtags for this, sorry I missed that!

I like the second one a lot! Especially the crush on the King's thug. So much more specific and all the better for it. I'd request pages (if I were an agent...) :)

Alisha link

6/10/2014 03:55:25 am

Thanks for your help so far, Traci. Glad my comments were helpful. If you have time, I'd love your thoughts on my three new pitches posted just under my first one. Good luck and thanks again!!!

Traci

6/10/2014 04:53:42 am

I love the specificity of these pitches--I feel like I understand so much more about what's going on in the novel! I’m going to try to make constructive comments so that if you want, you can keep editing and tweaking the language, but I think there’s more good stuff here than stuff that needs work.

1.The English king stole Aini’s father. She must help the zealots revolt or lead the king to Scotland’s Coronation Stone. #sffpit #YA #AH

I like seeing the different forces at work here—English king, zealots—which I think is much clearer than before. But I’m also wondering about the connection between Aini’s father’s kidnapping and the choice she must make (help the revolt or lead the king to the Coronation Stone). I think this is because I’m not sure why she would help the zealots in the first place. Can you rephrase the second sentence to show that she’s got to make a choice? Help the zealots revolt (and free her country? finish what her father started?) or lead the king to the Coronation Stone (and save her father?). A little thing: Would “took” be a better word than “stole,” since “kidnapped” might take up too many characters?

2. Illegal ability. Crush on the king’s thug. Missing father. 17yo Balinese psychic Aini has some deadly decisions to make. #sffpit #YA #AH

I love seeing more about the boy she shouldn’t trust. I also feel like “crush” is such a great word for revealing voice and character. For me, “thug” has some negative connotations—brutish, unattractive. Is there another word you could use? (soldier, enforcer, man, guard?) I think you might be able to condense your description of Aini’s character into “Illegal psychic ability” at the beginning and cut out “Balinese” in the last sentence, since even though it does add a level of exoticism to the pitch, I don’t feel like it evokes setting as well as “Scotland’s Coronation Stone.” (Or maybe it does, and I just need to read the book to find out!) I would love to see more on her “deadly decisions,” but I don’t think that’s the focus of this pitch. Maybe you could use the first three sentences to clarify what kind of decisions she has to make? Something about how her crush on the king’s thug is in direct conflict with her missing father and/or her psychic ability?

3.To save her father, Aini must trust the son of his abductor and thwart a clan desperate for the Scotland's Coronation Stone. #sffpit #YA #AH

This might be my favorite of your pitches so far. It’s got super clear stakes (“To save her father”) and conflict (“trust the son of his abductor”). I think the only thing that isn’t quite as clear is the connection between her father, the abductor, and the clan. Could you focus this pitch on just the father/abductor/son without losing the heart of the story? Or can you show how the clan is in conflict with her father/his abductor? Maybe something like “To save her father, Aini must trust the son of the king who took him and stop a clan desperate (to rule Scotland themselves, for the Scottish crown?)”

Thanks for agreeing to trade pitches with me. I can use all the help I can get!

Traci

6/10/2014 02:35:21 am

Hi Caitlin,

Thanks for volunteering to help us with our pitches. I'm having a difficult time including character, conflict, stakes, and specifics all in 140 characters, so I'm immensely grateful for any help you can offer.

I've developed five basic pitches to try out tomorrow, but I'm having the most trouble with these two. In particular, I'm worried they don't sound special or unique enough. How can I fit in more detail without giving up character or stakes?

1) #SFFpit #YA #FA Her father is dead; her aunt, kidnapped. Sefia must harness the magic of the book to find out who did it, or she'll be next.

2) #SFFpit #YA #FA To avenge her dad, Sefia must harness the deadly magic of the book. But will vengeance make her as evil as those she hunts?

Unrelated: I'm using Firefox, and pressing the escape key removed the pop-up email box for me.

Alisha link

6/10/2014 03:08:38 am

Hello, Traci!

I thought I'd give some thoughts in hopes you have time to look at my updated three above. : )

On your 1. It's nice and clear. Maybe give us one word about the book. I have zero idea what this book is and hopefully that will also lend a picture as to your setting.

On your 2. I like the vengeance angle and the idea that she's worried it'll turn her evil. That helps me get to know her a bit. I'd love something different than harness. Maybe learn the book's language or master the book's complicated gestures or recipes or push past the pain the book's magic doles out or...well...I'm just brainstorming here. It's so tough to fit specifics in!

I think your pitches are clear, but the first lacks any pizazz or character development. You may be able to tweak a little. Good luck!!!

Traci

6/10/2014 03:51:30 am

You're right--"pizazz" is exactly what they need. Thanks for your comments, especially where I need to include more detail.

Traci

6/10/2014 04:58:29 am

Thanks again everyone for all your help. If you've got time, please feel free to take a look at the other three pitches I'm working with.

3) #SFFpit #YA #FA The only book in Kelanna can lead Sefia to her father's killers, IF she learns to read before they find her & kill her first

4) #SFFpit #YA #FA To find her kidnapped aunt, Sefia must learn to use the book. But only 12 people in the world can read & 11 are hunting her.

5) #SFFpit #YA #FA Sefia must outmaneuver slave traders, gunslingers, & a secret society to solve the mystery of the book & avenge her father.

Each one is supposed to focus on a slightly different angle than the others, but I'd like to make sure they're equally compelling. Thank you again!

Alisha link

6/10/2014 01:44:39 pm

3) Take off first and I love it!!!
4) Now I'm confused. You said she needed to learn to read in the first one. This says she already knows. I do LOVE the wording though. Maybe it doesn't matter that you've gone further into the story for this pitch. I'm honestly not certain.
5) I love this one! The people involved really add the pizazz!! I wish you could say it's the only book, but I know you don't have room.

Okay so I don't feel like I'm helping you much here. Hmmm...Before Sefia's father was murdered, he left her a (insert visual or aural bit here) book. If she learns to read, she'll know who killed him.

That's probably too long.

Did he leave the book or did the killers' drop it? I'm still brainstorming with you here. : ) I can't leave it alone!

If Sefia deciphers the magic book's contents, she'll finally know who is killing her family one by one. And exactly how to stop them. ???

Ignore me if you wish. Sadly, my work ran late tonight and my brain is pretty weak.

Here are my new ones if you care to look:

1.In 17yo Aini’s Scotland, the English king rules like it’s 1614 rather than 2014. Not a smart place to crush on an enemy.

2.Illegal psychic ability. Crush on the boy whose clan took Father. Location of Scotland’s Coronation Stone. Aini has secrets.

3.The king took psychic Aini’s rebel father. She must spark a revolt or lead the English to Scotland’s Coronation Stone.

4.Gravity-defying candy. Vision-inducing gum. A firey Scotsman. Balinese psychic Aini breaks all the rules to rescue her father.

5.The threat of death by cousin pushes a 17yo chemist into abducting his crush’s rebel father. It’s not easy being a Campbell.

Good luck tomorrow if I don't talk to you until later! And thanks for everything! Thanks to you too Caitlin!

Caitlin

6/10/2014 03:14:24 am

Well it's nice to know at least the escape key works, but that's still a little annoying...so I'll try to flex my tech skills and solve that soon! :)

Now, back to the fun stuff!

I don't think either of these pitches are bad, but I like the first one better because, while vengeance can be noble, it has some problem in terms of motivation, whereas saving your own skin everyone gets! (also, is she not trying to save her aunt?)

But I agree that more specifics would be better. Remember, specifics in a twitter pitch can just be one unique word, one unexpected adjective or interesting verb to give the story some flavor.

Something like "16yo Sefia knows she shouldn't use homicidal frog spells against the royal family, but it's the only way to keep her throat intact."

But obviously...something more along the lines of whatever your book is ACTUALLY about. What makes the world, the character, or the voice interesting? Is it possible to convey that with just one or two words?

I know...it's hard.

Good luck!

Traci

6/10/2014 03:48:17 am

Thanks for your comments! I really appreciate it!

Kendra

6/10/2014 03:01:01 am

Hi Caitlin! Thanks so much for volunteering your time. I also developed multiple pitches (to make switching them up for Twitter easier). I'm grateful for any feedback you can offer.

Thanks!

1 - When Graye finds the parents she believed dead are alive, she'll need a clockwork dragon and a reluctant enemy to save them. #SFFpit #YA #SP

2 - Graye, the first Lasár born in 200 years, must expose the Council or end up on a dissecting table next to her parents. #SFFpit #YA #SP

And this one I both love and hate. It's from the antagonist's POV, but the book isn't in her POV (the hate part). Not sure if I should use it or not, but it shows what's at stake for the MC (the love part).

3 - Nedramora created monsters before, learning how Graye was born will be simple. If she can get Graye on her dissection table. #SFFpit #YA #SP

Caitlin

6/10/2014 03:21:49 am

I like most of these, but my first reaction would be not to bother with the Lasar stuff. We don't know what that is (unless I'm missing a common SFF term?) and you don't have time to explain it.

I LOVE clockwork dragon. I know we don't know what that is either, but we know enough to be intrigued...hmm...what is that?

I agree with you on the last one, but I do like the idea that the dissection table isn't just about torture, they're trying to figure her out. I wonder if you can fit that element into one with Graye at the center.

"Graye must avoid dissection, even if it will satisfy the Council's curiosity. To save her and her parents, she must...." etc...

Sounds like a fun idea, though, and I love seeing all these #YAs :)

Kendra

6/10/2014 03:30:46 am

Thank you so much!

Would this be too cryptic, "The first of her kind born in 200 years, Graye must expose the Council before they dissect her family to get their answers.#SFFpit #SP #YA"

Aack! If only I had a few more characters...

Thanks again!

Caitlin

6/10/2014 03:49:22 am

I think that does work! Good luck :)

Kendra

6/10/2014 04:22:35 am

Thanks again for volunteering your time! :)

Talynn

6/10/2014 10:30:51 am

I just wanted to say I'm working on a WIP, scifi fairytale retelling with clockwork dragons. Your pitch sounds fun. Good luck tomorrow!

Kendra

6/10/2014 10:48:59 am

Thanks, Talynn! I love fairytale retellings - good luck with it! I also loved the way you reworked your pitch, especially "It was as simple as dying." Loved it!

Chris

6/10/2014 03:04:34 am

Kind of the same type, but little variations:

About to perish from an epidemic that kills all 17yos, Gor breaks into the leaders’ manor to get the cure they won’t share. #SFFpit #YA #SF

About to die from a plague that kills all 17yos, Gorin breaks into the rulers’ mansion to get the cure they refuse to share. #SFFpit #YA #SF

Caitlin

6/10/2014 03:27:38 am

I'm not going to be good at critiquing this one because you had me at "epidemic." (If you've taken a look at my books, this won't shock you. :). Can you send a link to the query?

But, okay, I'll try to be a little useful. I did trip a little over "they won't share" and who the "they" is. You have the grammar right though (you mean the rulers or the leaders) but for some reason it was just a teeny bit awkward reading it.

Maybe something like "Gor breaks into the rulers' manor to steal the hidden (or restricted or protected or something...) cure.

OR

Gorin will die from a plague that kills all 17yos, unless he can steal the cure from the rulers who refuse to share it.

just some thoughts. sounds interesting. :)

Good luck! :)

Chris

6/10/2014 11:24:07 am

Caitlin, you don't mean include a link to the query in the twitter pitch, right? Probably wouldn't be enough room. Regardless, I'm still doing "heavy construction" on the query pitch. Those things are always so freaking HARD lol. Anyway, thanks so much for your helpful and insightful feedback!

caitlin

6/10/2014 12:28:32 pm

No, I meant I'm curious. I want to see the query :)

Chris

6/10/2014 03:05:34 am

And also - thanks so much for offering this!!

Elise

6/10/2014 04:34:53 am

I hope it isn't bad form to post a second time! I took the amazing suggestions I was given and re-worked my Twitter pitches. I promise I won't be resubmitting every time. I wanted to get one more round of thoughts to see if I was on-track:

1)
The Empire wants 18yo Vhalla in their war using wind magic. She knows nothing of fighting. Can a prince keep her alive? #SFFpit #YA #FR

2)
Library apprentice to sorceress Vhalla only has one month to learn magic and a prince's love before she loses both forever #FR #YA #SFFpit

3)
Vhalla chose magic over the library and it led her into the arms of a prince, and to murder when she lost control #FR #YA #SFFpit

Thanks again everyone!

Caitlin

6/10/2014 05:31:53 am

I like "wind magic" because I'm intrigued by that, but the sentence is confusing. Is she using wind magic or is the war? Also, "can a prince keep her alive" makes it sound like his journey, not hers.

I like the library apprentice part, but there's a problem with "learn" as it applies to both "magic" and "A prince's love."

How about something like

Vhalla prefers books to using wind magic in a war, but she'll have to use her skill if.... (stakes..)

Just a thought, though I think you're on the right track. Good luck! :)

Elise

6/10/2014 11:25:11 am

Caitlin,

Thanks again! I now have 7 of the 12 I want relatively strong (I hope).

I wanted to post again for the unrelated note... the ESC button worked for me also to close the pop up in chrome.

Short link

6/10/2014 06:34:06 am

Thanks for following me. I'd love any feedback ahead of #SSFpit

Milo the apprentice just wants to play with his dog and eat bacon, but his master insists on saving the kingdom from a dragon #SSFpit #YA

Dan Koboldt link

6/10/2014 07:31:03 am

I like the pitch, but be sure you use the correct hashtag (#SFFpit).

Short link

6/10/2014 08:42:23 am

Dan, Thanks for catching that! I just had a minor cardiac event thinking I tagged all my upcoming tweets wrong.

caitlin

6/10/2014 11:03:52 am

Whoops, meant to post the below in response to this:

Yes, the right hashtag is key. :)

Otherwise I think it works! I indicates stakes while also showing the voice. Good luck! :)

Talynn

6/10/2014 07:09:55 am

Here it is:
Elijah must prove his love for Kaleah before the Dark One claims her heart.

caitlin

6/10/2014 07:32:30 am

Unfortunately, I think this needs to be way more specific. Start with what's different about your book. Then pull out the characters, world, and stakes from there. What's going to make your story stand out.

I'd be happy to look at a revised pitch if you're up for it. Either way, good luck!

Talynn

6/10/2014 10:15:37 am

Ok. I think I've come up with something. How's this one:

When 17YO Kaleah seeks the source of her nightmares, she falls for Elijah, who knows how to make them stop. It's as simple as dying. #SFFpit

caitlin

6/10/2014 07:35:27 am

Yes, the right hashtag is key. :)

Otherwise I think it works! I indicates stakes while also showing the voice. Good luck! :)

Talynn

6/10/2014 07:55:00 am

Ok. Here's the longline I've used from previous contests, but it goes over the character limit. It's 76 over, with no hash tag yet.

Since her boyfriend died, seventeen-year-old Kaleah’s been haunted by nightmares. Hoping to investigate her visions, Kaleah travels to The places in her dream where she falls for a tombkeeper who believes death is the key to her salvation.

caitlin

6/10/2014 11:05:36 am

I still think the above is a little too vague for a longer pitch, but I really like this one. Good luck!

"When 17YO Kaleah seeks the source of her nightmares, she falls for Elijah, who knows how to make them stop. It's as simple as dying. #SFFpit"

Dan Koboldt link

6/10/2014 12:54:31 pm

I'm beginning to understand why SO many people are taking you up on your offer, Caitlin!

JEN Garrett link

6/10/2014 07:57:37 am

Here's my first attempt:

Being the Control of time-travel experiments becomes key to saving a life in THE SUPER SCIENTIFIC NOTEBOOK OF JAY ADAMS. #SFFpit #MG 28k

btw: I'm also having the subscribe pop up on Internet Explorer. No x box and I am subscribed. :)

caitlin

6/10/2014 11:08:21 am

Thanks! I don't know why it doesn't have an X box, I may just add something letting people know they can hit escape?

On to your pitch. You don't need the title, so I'd remove that and add any specifics you can. Also, I'm confused as to what being the control of tie travel experiments means. Who is the protagonist. What do they want/need? What's in their way?

Good luck! :)

caitlin

6/10/2014 11:08:52 am

PS, I do love timetravel stuff though, so that's intriguing :)

Keryn Munson link

6/10/2014 08:14:10 am

Here are my three pitches.
Glan and Nuriel know their pairing is a crime. When exposed, enemies will not stop until their young are destroyed and their world shattered
Glan and Nuriel know their pairing is a crime. When discovered, worlds collide leaving young dragons fighting for their children’s lives

Glan and Nuriel have a secret. When exposed, worlds collide as an unbalanced leader seeks to destroy their young and shatter their world.

Caitlin

6/10/2014 11:13:41 am

There's some confusion over whose young and whose world. The way the sentence is structured, it seems like you are talking about the enemies' young.

Also, I'm confused. Is this a love story? Are they business partners? And what does it mean that worlds collide? Two cultures are forced together? Worlds physically collide?

I know it might seem I'm being obtuse, and it sounds like you've got some really interesting elements here (i like the dragons and the idea of an illegal pairing), but tell us specifically what is happening. Who are Glan and Nuriel? What is at stake for them?

I hope this helps. Good luck! :)

Keryn

6/10/2014 06:38:33 pm

Now I am confused, is the first one the one that confuses you or the other two or all three?

maghen

6/10/2014 11:14:29 am

So I have a few lined up but I am on the fence on these. Any feed back would be great.:

#SFFpit #FR Exiled, Elves, lethal Guard, Council, Assassin They all fight to get their hands on Gwen. She fights to get home before they do

Is family love or blood? For her it's blood, for him love. Gwen fights to make it out of Raynon but he can't follow if she does. #SFFpit #FR

Surviving in Raynon, finding who she is & her way home seems an infeasible challenge to Gwen & it's made more difficult by love #SFFpit #FR

Caitlin

6/10/2014 11:47:33 am

I think I like the first one the best. But I tripped a little over "exiled" as the first word because I thought it would be an adjective (i.e., exiled elves, not THE exiled). Maybe pick three and allow yourself a little more room "Exiled humans, a lethal guard, an Assassin. They all..."

Sounds like an interesting story though! (And I'm loathe to get rid of the love aspect in the pitch, but I think the first one is still more interesting).

Just my two cents. Good luck and have fun! :)

Robyn Arrington

6/10/2014 12:36:09 pm

Xander’s purpose in life - murdering those responsible for his family’s deaths – gets sidetracked when he falls for one of his marks. #SFFpit #YA

caitlin

6/10/2014 09:00:28 pm

My only criticism of this is that it's not clear what the speculative element is, but, otherwise I love it. I think it's a succinct and strong pitch. Good luck!!

Robyn Arrington

6/10/2014 09:56:41 pm

Thank you for the critique! I really appreciate you taking the time to do it!

Heather Sudbrock link

6/16/2015 05:15:56 am

Thank you for doing this :)

1. 17yo Tori becomes humanities only salvation at the cost of killing her boyfriend, the prince of the invading immortals . #SFFPIT #YA #CF

2. Tori inherits a power to save humanity. Problem? She’s in love with the prince of the invading immortals. #SFFPIT #YA #CF

3. A young girl is empowered to save humanity from invading immortals but first she must destroy their prince, whom she loves. #SFFPIT #YA #CF

4. Tori inherits a lost language that empowers her to save humanity from immortal invasion. #SFFPIT #YA #CF

5. 17yo Tori inherits a lost language that empowers her to save humanity from her love and his invading army of immortals. #SFFPIT #YA #CF

6. Game of Thrones meets Divergent in the year 2050 AD #SFFPIT #YA #CF

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